I'm not gay, but...

...the new Madonna album is fucking rad!

Seriously. I actually don't like Madonna that much as a person. Yeah, I respect her as an artist and I admire her longevity and constant re-invention and all that jazz, but her immersion into UK society has not made her any different than any other Brentwood boojie. In fact she's much, much worse. Just read these lyrics from "American Life":

I got a lawyer and a manager
An agent and a chef
Three nannies, an assistant
And a driver and a jet
A trainer and a butler
And a bodyguard or five
A gardener and a stylist
Do you think I'm satisfied?

Three fucking nannies?! Wow, you're some mother, Madonna. You must spend some quality time with Rocco and Lourdes.

But I digress...

The new album... WOW! It's got that "Ray of Light" electronica vibe, which I love. It brings me back to my rave days minus MDMA, glow sticks, and pacifiers. I have not stopped listening to it, since I bought it. It's replaced Kanye West's "Late Registration" as my new favorite album.

And I cannot fucking wait for the tour! I mean, how can I not see Madonna in concert? I used to have prepubescent sexual fantasies about her back in 1985. She's aged like a fine wine. With nannies.

The future Mrs. Padow

Okay, so I totally want to make babies with Sara Silverman, but this media onslaught must end now!! First there was that Heeb magazine cover story. And the piece in the New Yorker. Then the New York Times. Don't forget Terry Gross on NPR. And the new Rolling Stone. There's probably a few thousand more I forgot to mention.

I have Sara's life story memorized now. Her dad taught her to curse at a young age. She wet her bed until she was 17, around the same time she finally menstruated (shades of Stephen King's "Carrie" anybody?). She dropped out of NYU when she was 19 to puruse her stand-up career. She had a failed stint on SNL at 22. Oh, and she banged every male comedian she met. Her umpteenth years of "being the next big thing" are supposed to come to fruition with this week's release of her concert film/documentary, "Jesus is Magic." Or so they say.

I really do want to see this movie, but I'm afraid all this press has ruined all the jokes. We all know about her use of "chink" on Conan. And her Holocaust jokes. And her being raped by a doctor joke. And all the other jokes I've read a million fucking times in the last 2 weeks.

Don't get me wrong, I still heart Sara Silverman, but it's not like she's been struggling for the last decade like other aspiring writers/comedians. She was on SNL at 20 fucking 2! Yeah, it was a shitty gig, but I can't even get a writing assistant job in this town! Or New York for that matter. And I'm 31!

Jewish Hipsters (or Jipsters for short) and Goyim Hipsters (Gipsters) have been well aware of Ms. Silverman and her potty mouth for quite some time now. I have a feeling that her audience won't really change, even with all of her PR people's best efforts. Sure, there may be that curious older Westside liberal who goes to the Nuart to see "Jesus", but the rest of the audience will be filled with boys who wish syphillis to Jimmy Kimmel.

That being said, I'm very upset that I'm going to miss her "in-store" appearance at tonight's screening at the Nuart. If anyone happens to meet her, please tell her I'm a nice Jewish boy with a naughty side.