Job Interview #8

The UTA job list is the Holy Grail for those seeking low pay, long hours, and sadistic bosses… I mean work in the entertainment industry. Every couple days the list is e-mailed to job-seeking Angelenos everywhere, some who are contemplating switching to another demeaning position, and others like myself who do not yet have full-time employment. Contrary to popular belief, people in this industry do not get paid well (not until you hit the big time), so it is not uncommon to see jobs offering weeky salaries as low as $500. It is mostly manager and producer assistant positions that are offered, so for someone like myself who would love to be a writer’s assistant on a show the UTA job list is useless.

So I was pleasantly surprised to see two writer’s assistant positions advertised on last week’s list. This is the first one:

Assistant needed for writer/producer in Santa Monica. Job entails personal and business duties, including: research, proofreading, scheduling, errands... Ideal candidate would be meticulous, organized, resourceful, familiar with LA & film industry, and friendly and professional on the phone. Sound language, grammar and prose skills a must. Best suited for writer desiring intimate exposure and participation in the creative and business aspects of screenwriting. Send resume and brief intro to: (e-mail address censored)

Being an aspiring screenwriter not wanting to work for a megalomaniacal producer I thought this could be a good opportunity, even if there was the hint of having to do personal errands. I composed the following cover letter and e-mailed it along with my resume:

To Whom It May Concern,

I feel like I'm being punk'd, since this assistant position sounds too good to be on the UTA job list. As an aspiring screenwriter withplenty of assistant experience under his belt I feel this is a perfectjob opportunity for me. In addition to possessing all the desiredqualities listed in the job description, I am highly personable and awalking IMDB. Every assistant in this town is organized, resourceful,etc., but how many can claim to have been an alternate on IFC's Ultimate Film Fanatic? I hope this non-traditional "cover letter" and attached resumeencourage you to call me in for an interview. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Best regards,

Jeremy Padow


I was pleasantly surprised to receive a call the next day from the current assistant asking me to come in for an interview. I was even happier when he said it would be okay for me to come in on Saturday, since it’s kind of tricky for me to leave my temp job for a couple hours.

I IMDB’d the screenwriter (who shall remain nameless) and was pleased to see that he wrote thrillers, since I’m a horror guy and thriller is the PC way of saying horror. I thought this could be a really cool job, which may not necessarily lead to me selling a screenplay, but couldn’t be a bad way to pay the bills.

The interview took place at said screenwriter’s modest Santa Monica home. It was one of those nice little houses several blocks from the beach, which probably goes for a million dollars, even it it’s only a one bedroom.

I thought the interview was off to a promising start when I commented on his framed Yellow Submarine poster. He explained how he had it restored since it was in such dire conditions.

I then sat down for the interview. The first thing he commented on was my cover letter, which he held in front of him.

(please note that I can't figure out proper script formatting for my blog, but you'll figure this out...)

SCREENWRITER
There weren’t any grammatical mistakes on
your cover letter, but there were some things I
would have done different style-wise.

How’s that for a doozy? I was a bit put off, but asked for an example.

SCREENWRITER
Well, in the sentence, "As an aspiring screenwriter
with plenty of assistant experience under his belt
I feel this is a perfect job opportunity for me,"
you switched tenses. I need someone who’s going to
catch these kinds of mistakes since they’ll be doing
correspondence for me. They need to have even
better grammar than me. Are you a screenwriter?

JEREMY (V.O.)
No, I shlepped all the way to Santa Monica on the
Saturday I’m packing for my move for my health.
(out loud)
Yeah, of course.

SCREENWRITER
Good, because I consider myself a writer first,
screenwriter second.

He proceeded to pontificate on the importance of proper writing.

JEREMY
Why did you call me in for an interview if you
had problems with my cover letter?

SCREENWRITER
There were other cover letters with typos.

He didn’t really answer the question, but I wasn’t going to argue the semantics of his statement.

He then looked at my address.

SCREENWRITER
Sherman Oaks. That’s do-able.

JEREMY
I’m sorry.

SCREENWRITER
Distance-wise, it’s the limit I would be willing
to accept. If you’re too far away it makes it
difficult for you to get here, and there are times
when I’m out of town that you need to come feed
my cat and bring in my mail on weekends.

I explained how I was actually moving to Sherman Oaks that weekend and that I had no problem commuting from Chatsworth to the 20th Century Fox lot every day for the last month.

(to be continued…)