No, I'm not going to Coachella!

"How do all you 14 year olds know who I am?"
Originally uploaded by jerebo.

In case you haven't head, Coachealla is all the buzz. With cover stories in today's City Beat and L.A. Times Calendar section I almost feel like a loser for not plunking down $150 for the weekend music festival. I actually almost bought a ticket for Sunday, cause I would love to see NIN (why is Nine Inch Nails never spelled out?), New Order, and my future wife, M.I.A., but I have to move that day, so that takes priority.

I went to Coachella a few years ago and was a bit underwhelmed. It seemed that during the evening every band I wanted to see was playing simultaneously, but unfortunately not on the same stage. It was also very hot, Indio being east of Palm Springs and it being springtime and all. One piece of advice -- don't take Ecstasy at 2 pm at a festival show in the desert.

Part of me wishes I'd gone to the last couple Cochellas. Seems like last year's was the cat's meow. Radiohead. The Pixies. Why is everyone so into The Pixies all of a sudden? I wasn't really aware of them when they first burst onto the scene back in the late 80s and I didn't know anyone else who was into them either. But they reunite and everyone loves the fucking Pixies. Like many people I was first introduced to their music by the inclusion of "Where is my Mind?" in Fight Club. It's the "Born Slippy" of that film. I have grown to dig them -- they're great to work out to -- but I don't claim to be their biggest fan in the world and I certainly wasn't going to shlep to Indio to see them.

There's no real thesis or moral to this entry. Just a random thought.

Work Malaise

Ain't that the truth?
Originally uploaded by jerebo.

I'm probably risking employment by blogging this, but what the fuck? The third bullet point of my blog's mission statement is:

Observations, reviews, deep thoughts, memories, future memories, anecdotes, truly tasteless jokes volume IV, and other kinds of crap.

I think job malaise falls into this category.

Some you may know that I have been temping at Twentieth Century Fox Television for the last few weeks after a two and a half month bout of unemployment. Prior to that I was working on a segment producer on a show, which will remain unnamed, but it rhymes with the last De La Soul album (and no, it's not AOI: Bionix)*. I was all set to go back to said show in June, which would last until early January. Not too bad for production work, even if there was about a month or so of unpaid "holidays" scattered throughout its duration.

How I long for those days now. I just found out that due to a "restructuring" I would work on the new season from June to Labor Day. I thought I was being Punk'd! There was even talk about cuting my meager salary. Needless to say I'm very upset by this turn of events, especially since I'm set to finally move out of my mom's house this weekend.

Before the donations start pouring in, I should say that I think I'll be okay. I'm currently a rising star in the Fox temp pool and I am networking like a madman as shows start staffing up in May. If worse comes to worse, I can always go back to the segment producer gig for that brief juncture and just look again for temp work in September -- though truthfully this whole turn of events has left a bitter taste in my mouth.


*thanks to Jeff Spector

Nothing's Shocking indeed

Now shilling crap beer!
Originally uploaded by jerebo.

Okay, I know that Lollapalooza was canceled last year, but is Perry Farrell really that desperate for cash that he sold "Mountain Song" to Coors Light for commercial usage? I nearly shat my pants when I saw this last night. I don't mind that one of the songs from the "reunited" Jane's Addiction is used as the theme for Entourage, but this is ridiculous. Who does Perry think he is, Moby?

Michael Bay, what hath though wrought?

.

Many film geeks claim that Michael Bay is the Antichrist for his Bruckheimer-backed blockbusters such as Pearl Harbor, Armageddon, and The Rock. I actually enjoyed The Rock -- it was a fun popcorn movie, though I understand why people complain about Mr. Bay's oeuvre. His movies appeal to the lowest common denominator and none feature a shot lasting more than five seconds. Hell, he makes Tony Scott looks subtle.

Bay has even further alienated the horror contingent of the above-mentioned group with his recent excursion into horror remakes. His company Platinum Dunes has already remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Amityville Horror, and it was just announced they're going to tackle The Hitcher next. I'll admit I was very pleasantly surprised by the Chainsaw remake, and I do want to see Amityville. Hell, I'm a horror geek, so anytime an R-rated horror movie is released I'll try and see it on the big screen. But The Hitcher? The movie's not even twenty years old yet!

It was announced in last week's trades that Bay wanna-be, Simon West, the auteur of such pictures as Con-Air and Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, will be helming a remake of When a Stranger Calls. That's the one with Carol Kane as the babysitter getting terrorized by the killer who prank calls her from inside the house. This concept was actually lifted from 1974's Black Christmas, which featured a very surly Margot Kidder. Guess what? That one's also being remade, by the guys who brought us Final Destination (which I actually dug).

Now I know that all these remakes just prove that nobody in Hollywood has an original idea, but there have been some great ones that improved on the originals -- The Thing and The Fly come to mind. But come on studio execs, producers, and Michael Bay! Think outside the box.

Since Hollywood is so bereft of original thought and I love horror movies so much, I thought I'd add my suggestions for some possible remakes.

Amityville 3-D - This has just been released as part of MGM's new Amityville DVD Box set. (And you wonder why MGM closed shop.) It has not been seen in 3-D since its original release in 1983, so why not bring it back to the big screen with Robert Rodriguez directing? He has already proven himself a 3-D maestro with the third Spy Kids and the upcoming The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3-D. And he will save whatever studio produces it tons of money, since he'll write, direct, shoot, edit, score, and do the craft services. Let's just hope he brings back Tony Roberts to reprise his role as intrepid reporter John Baxter.

Last House on the Left - There is currently a remake of Wes Craven's other 70s classic The Hills Have Eyes in the works, so why not tackle this delightful tale of rape, revenge and forced urination?

Psycho II - Since there's already been a shot-for-shot remake of the original Psycho, why not try it again with its underrated 1982 sequel? Come on Mr. Van Sant, stop with your faux-documentaries about Columbine and Kurt Cobain and revisit Norman Bates as he tries to readjust to society.

Invasion of the Body Snatchers - I know this has been remade umpteenth times -- let's go for umpteenth plus one.

It's Alive - 70s indie auteur Larry Cohen made quite the comeback with his screenplay for Phone Booth, so why not have him remake his own killer baby classic It's Alive? Rick Baker would once again handle the effects and the story should focus on a hipster couple whose offspring is not quite as innocent as they'd like it to be. Not being able to go any more indie rock shows pales in comparison to the knowledge that their baby is on a murderous rampage.

Shivers - This early David Cronenberg classic involves sexually transmitted parasites that turn their hosts into horny zombies. (I shit you not.) The parasites were hokey rod-controlled puppets, and would obviously be scarier in CGI. The actual sexual content would probably have to be decreased due to the conservative sexual mores of our country, but gratuitous violence will more than compensate.

They Live - There are already two John Carpenter remakes this year; why not make it a hat trick? This movie is just as relevant now as it was in the Reagan administration when it was released. Just imagine The Rock playing the Rowdy Roddy Piper role and delivering the classic line: "I'm here to chew bubble gum and kick some ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum!"

Phantasm - Oh, never mind. New Line Cinema is already working on this.

Suspiria - This Dario Argento classic... oh wait, this one's being remade too.

Scanners - Shit, someone beat me to the punch.

The Crazies - George Romero's obscure 70s film would be a great... oh, I should just quit while I'm ahead.

Woody Allen as 007?

casino royale
Originally uploaded by jerebo.

Has anyone seen Casino Royale? I've always been curious, but having just picked up the LP soundtrack for only 3 bucks at a yard sale, my appetite is whetter.

I mean if the following liner notes don't sell it, I don't know what does.

(Note Mort Goode has an active imagination and made up some words.):

CASINO ROYALE IS TOO MUCH FOR ONE JAMES BOND!

Imagine a new James Bond!

Imagine Sir James Bond!

Imagine good Bonds and bad Bonds, cowboy Bonds, Indian Bonds, girl Bonds, and a villainous Bond -- enough Bonds to start Boy Scout Trooper 007. It's a portion of the fancy of CASINO ROYALE.

Picture five dexterous directors devising diabolic delights. Conjure up visions of the nestling, natural 007 and a 007 au naturel. Indulge your reveries around super-sleuths and super-sleuth-slayers; closestsful of unraveled writers scheming way to present more Bonds; a hundred plus British beauties. It all adds up to a number -- 007!

Whimsy yourself with thoughts of songs written by Academy Award honored Burt Bacharach and Hal David (Burt composed and conducted the entire score); Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass playing the title theme; Dusty Springfield singing The Look of Love. They are all here in this seductive sound track. They compound the interest.

"Casino Royale" is superaBONDANCE -- the biggest Bond Bargain yet! See why Bonds have more fun. Pleasure yourself with sights of bacchanalian Bonds setting new misbehavior patterns. Watch scenesful of stars break the Bond of the ordinary.

It's 007 times 007 times 007 ad infinitum. It is multiple Bond that totals up to "Casino Royale."

Imagine!

Mort Goode


This almost sounds like a Mad magazine parody.

If that's not enough, here's a partial list of the cast: Peter Sellers, Ursula Andress, David Niven, Orson Welles, Woody Allen, William Holden, John Houston, George Raft, and Jean Paul Belmondo.

And it's got five directors!

This sounds so wonderfully dreadful. Even more so than A View to a Kill.

Since I don't belong to Netflix can someone please add this to their queue? I'll make martinis!

My Favorite Weekend

This was not my favorite weekend!
Originally uploaded by jerebo.

One of my favorite features of the Los Angeles Times is "My Favorite Weekend"¬ùin which celebrities give a play-by-play account of their ideal weekend activities. These folks live large -- they dine at fancy restaurants, dance at Hollywood hot spots, wake up early (and non-hung over) enough for a 3 mile run on the beach or in Runyon Canyon, then shop at upscale boutiques (sometimes as far as Echo Park), then another nice dinner, maybe a quiet evening at home, go to bed, then a nice brunch on Sunday. It must be nice to not worry about laundry, groceries, or any other activities that mere mortals must face after our work week is done.

Well, dammit, us regular folks have favorite weekends too. Here's mine:

Friday
Since I am currently residing at my mom's house in Chatsworth and living on unemployment, I don't really trek to the hipster bars of the eastside like I used to. But that's okay -- the new Los Feliz/Silverlake/Echo Park/Eagle Rock is only ten minutes away, and its name is Canoga Park. That's right, Canoga Park! There are two great bars located at the intersection of Topanga Canyon and Sherman Way (which is the Vermont and Franklin of the West Valley) Casey's Tavern and Scotland Yard.

Venture into Casey's and you will be greeted by a motley mix of old-timers and twenty-somethings, with nary a trucker hat in sight and more importantly, strong, cheap drinks. A friend and I recently went and got a Jack and Coke and Kettel One and Tonic for the princely sum of seven-fifty. Try that on Sunset and you'll spend anywhere from eighteen to twenty bucks with half the booze. They've got a jukebox, but you won't find any Arcade Fire or Dizzee Rascal on it. There's not one song performed after 1955. You don't go to Casey's for the music; you go for the stiff drinks and to enjoy their lax smoking policy. Smoke 'em if you got 'em, but leave the potty mouth at home -- they don't like swearing. Seriously. If they catch you cuss they will give you a warning. Second time, they'll eighty-six you. But that's okay, because next door is...

Scotland Yard - This UK-themed bar only serves beer and wine, but it's good English lager and it's on tap. Their jukebox is a little more current than Casey's, though it will get turned off if there's a DJ about to perform. The clientele here is bit younger -- you may see a lot of Pierce College and CSUN students. Scotland Yard has a bit of a meat market vibe, but the females here are approachable -- no D-girls or Endeavor assistants would ever be caught dead in Canoga Park, well not until the inevitable Vanity Fair profile.

Luckily I live only a few miles away, so the drive home isn't too bad. My mom's usually asleep when I slip in at two, so no awkward drunken conversations.

Saturday
Hopefully, I'm not too hung over, so I'll wake up around 10 or 10:30. After making myself sunny-side eggs, bacon and toast. I'll go grocery shopping at the new Trader Joe's on Mason and Devonshire where the old Pic and Save used to be. They've really revitalized that shopping center. Yay for the development of McMansions in Porter Ranch, creating the need for improved shopping. I always love to nosh on the free food and coffee samples in the back of the store. The customers here are definitely older and more Republican than those at my former Trader Joe's on Santa Monica and Poinsettia. That's okay, because the staff is always very friendly and there are not as many people in velour sweats and cell phones.

I joined a writer's group, which meets at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on Santa Monica, just east of the 405. It's kind of a schlep, but it's good to get feedback on my scripts and I'd rather support Coffee Bean than Starbucks. They can sure use the business, since all that construction on Santa Monica has been a nightmare for everyone on that street. I always opt for a medium coffee. Nice and simple, no foofy shit.

Then I'll go see a movie at the Arclight with my friend Jeff. I was shocked when the theater first opened, since they were charging 14 dollars a ticket. Matinees are only eleven dollars, which is only a couple bucks more than most nighttime shows at other theaters. I don't mind paying the extra money, since it keeps all the riff-raff out of the theaters. There are never crying babies or people on cell phones, plus, they don't show annoying commercials before the movies.

Jeff's wife is a fabulous cook, so she'll make us a great meal when we return to his place. She should really open her own restaurant, but she's a fellow screenwriter. Go figure!

Since I'm not really working these days, I'll either watch a DVD with them or go back home and write.


Sunday
Sometimes my mom, brother and I will go to Brent's deli for brunch. Brent's is hands-down the best deli in Los Angeles. You can take your Jerry's and shove it! There is always a huge mob of Jews waiting outside (my mom will always see someone from our Temple there), but the wait is usually not as bad as you think it will be and once your surly waitress takes your order, the food comes within five to ten minutes. And the portions are huge. The sandwiches are of Scooby Doo dimensions. I usually end up taking half of the sandwich home and eating the rest for dinner.

I do my laundry on Sundays. One advantage of living at home is free laundry. When I was living in San Francisco it was $1.75 just for one wash!

If I'm good I'll go work out at L.A. Fitness. It's a pretty spacious place, though the clientele there are very "valley." It's a menagerie of metrosexual frat meatheads from CSUN who trim their eyebrows and undernourished girls on cell phones, but it's not as cramped as the one on Miracle Mile, and with my iPod blasting the Propellerheads' "On Her Majesty's Secret Service"nothing seems to matter.

I then come home to do more writing and laundry. Dinnertime, and it's the rest of that delish Brent's sandwich.

I don't watch Deadwood, but I do love my Fox Sunday Night comedy. Many people complain that The Simpsons jumped the shark years ago, but I still think it's funny. And don't get me started on Arrested Development. I pray that it does not get canceled.

After I watch TV, I may peruse JDate to peruse the same profiles that have been there for months. I don't know why I even bother. I mean, I don't even go to Temple, so why am I so concerned about finding a Jewish girl? After an hour of this and checking my Gmail, I do some more writing, then go to bed and read for a bit before falling asleep, hoping that I find a full-time job very soon.


And there you have it. "My Favorite Weekend."¬ù

To work at Fox, or not to work at Fox? That 'tis the question...

So I find myself in a bit of a quarry. Not a rock quarry, more like a dilemma-type quarry. After two months of unemployment I have a 2 week-or-so temp gig at Fox in their current programming department. That means I’d work for the execs who handle shows like “Arrested Development”, “The Simpsons”, and “24.” Not too shabby, non?

And the bosses are nice. Very nice! Unlike most jobs I see on the UTA list that pay $400 per week, I do not need a thick skin to deal with these people. That’s very important when you’ve dealt with those types in the past. Life is too short to deal with assholes.

And I’m making and would continue to make incredible connections. I mean this is a great opportunity for an aspiring writer like myself.

What’s the rub?

Well, the pay isn’t great, but that’s hardly an issue. It’s funny; everyone thinks that people in the entertainment industry are compensated quite well. Once you reach a certain executive level that is true. I, however, do not want to be an executive. I write screenplays, both TV and film, and would like to make a living do that. Unfortunately, there are not many jobs that would pay me to do this. Of course I’d love to be a TV staff writer, but no one will hire some unknown without an agent, so it’s wise to break in as a TV writer’s assistant. Those jobs are not offered on the UTA job list, craigslist, entertainmentcareers.net, showbizjobs.com, monser.com, ad nauseum.

So, working at a place like this would be fabulous, right? I mean access to the folks who could get me on these shows!!

Well, during a very honest sit-down interview with the “bosses”, they informed me that while the position could lead to where I would like to be professionally, it could take awhile. That wouldn’t be a problem if I was fresh out of film school, but I’m already 30. I’m not sure how old my fellow assistants are here, but the one I share an office with (that’s right, an office! No more cubicle bullshit!) is only 24. Should this even be an issue?

I can probably go back to my segment producer position at “Blind Date” in June, which was a fun place to work, but then I’ll find myself in a similar unemployed situation again in January. If you were lucky enough not to be bombarded with my e-mails/phone calls looking for work, consider yourself lucky. Being unemployed sucks, but at least I got some writing done!

So what is a 30 year old unemployed starving screenwriter to do?

Oh, one thing I forgot to mention. Fox employees get phat discounts at the studio store. That’s right, the “Planet of the Apes” remake DVD for only 10 bucks!!

Does that change things?